People pleasers. The truth about these people is that they do anything to seek the approval of people, so they could be popular or cause people to like them. They bend to the rules given to them by people who are their age mates or workmates. Just to seek approval. But sometimes even people pleasers get tired of it and they want out, but they can’t stop because they don’t know how.
It is said that when you do something for more than twenty-one days, it becomes a part of you, so matter how one tries to stop, he/she can’t because it has become a part of them.
Mind you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice and warm-hearted, but the fact that you make people use that against you and you not being able to do anything about it because you need something to hold on to makes it the problem.
Before we see how to stop being a people pleaser let’s see the causes.
CAUSES OF BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER
1: Inferiority complex:
This is the most vital. An inferiority complex in a person could cause one to serve and seek approval at all costs. It makes one feel lower than others and Men would always bank and bang on a weakling.
2: Low self-esteem:
This works hand in hand with an inferiority complex. One’s inferiority complex always twine to inferiority complex. One’s loss of self-esteem can cause one to submit just to gain that esteem back and they feel they can get it through validation.
3: Loss Of Confidence:
This is the worst. This might be because of an experience, a bad experience that could cause that person to lose confidence and run into that hole of inferiority complex and low self-esteem. There is a possibility that this person used to be extremely confident but then lost it to a bad experience.
Never let anything in this world bring you down, and even if you ever get down, don’t be afraid to get up.
4: Family Background:
Since this may not seem like a cause, it’s very much a really important part of one’s life. For people with the people-pleaser personality, the family they come from has everything to do with it. When one’s family seems to push one to the edge of telling one how one is not good enough, it pushes the person to lose his confidence completely. Both amid families and friends; or even strangers. One becomes extremely shy and nervous. Full of extreme anxiety, just to make sure there’s approval from one person. This is why Family plays a huge part when it comes to people with the people pleaser personality.
Never let your background put your back to the ground. It is a really sad thing.
Don’t throw a pity party for yourself and if one is set up for you, do not attend it.
HOW TO STOP BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER
1: Build your confidence:
This is where you must start. Work on yourself. Do some self-motivation. Building your confidence helps you face your problem head-on. That way you’d be pleased with yourself.
2: Set your boundaries:
As an individual, there are things you shouldn’t take. There are things you shouldn’t allow to. So set your boundaries. Let people know when they cross that line. And even if you have to do it the harshest way possible then go for it. Don’t let anyone trample all over you. Got that?
3: You do you:
Live more for yourself than others. It doesn’t make you selfish it only helps you build yourself. Become a better person and most importantly please yourself. You can’t entirely please people because they would always ask for more, but once you’re pleased with yourself there is a sense of accomplishment.
4: Remember you can’t please people:
They would keep asking for more and more. Thereby draining you, sucking the life out of you, and making you feel bad about yourself if you do anything wrong. Put it at the back of your mind. People are never satisfied
5: Set a goal for yourself:
Setting a goal for yourself helps you focus more on yourself. This is you doing your thing, doing what makes you happy. Masturbating. Take yourself on dates, and Make yourself happy. Think about what you want in the future and work towards it. Don’t waste your time trying to please people. Work hard to please yourself.
6: Work with self Affirmations:
“I am good enough” “, I don’t have to please people for validation” and “I am far better than I think I am”. “I am beautiful” “ I’m going to do great today” Look at yourself in the mirror and say something good to yourself. Say something to lighten your mood. Do it daily. Do it as often as you can.
7: Seek Professional Help:
This may affect one mentally and could cause issues. So seeking professional help, helps you come out of that self-inflicted pain. Even though something might have caused it, you still need the help of a professional to help you out of it. People pleasers just find themselves doing this, not just because of validation but because it’s something by default. So you must seek professional help. It’s very important.
You can not please people. Men can never be pleased because they would always ask for me and they would always see a flaw in whatever you do. That’s why you need to build your confidence, you need to build your self-esteem, you need to set your boundaries, you need to remember that you can’t please everyone, you need to do whatever makes you happy, you need to give yourself some daily affirmations and you need to seek professional help. Don’t let anyone take your happiness away from you. You deserve better. You deserve the best things.
ALSO, READ 18 Ways to Motivate Someone