We do something wrong, so we are apprehensive. Most people have because failures are a natural part of human development. Nevertheless, the fear that creeps in and stakes out space in your mind can result in a lot of emotional and physical pain. You may know guilt best as the numbing feeling in your stomach that comes with knowing you’ve hurt someone else. You may also face recurring self-judgment and criticism as a result of your memories of what happened and your fear of others finding out. Your shame may be intensified to a greater degree if you have never been able to voice your thoughts regarding a difficult situation
Identifying your shame at the moment, ignoring your shame, or attempting to hide it might seem like a helpful tactic. You may suspect that it will eventually dwindle and disappear if you don’t think about it. Correct? Refusing to admit guilt may temporarily discourage it from extending into your everyday life, but masking your emotions isn’t necessarily a permanent strategy. To truly face shame, you first have to accept those feelings.
Even if it feels unpleasant, attempt this exercise for a day or two. Dedicate some peaceful moments to yourself and bring along a notebook to record your reflections. Acknowledge to yourself or put into writing what took place, such as “I am experiencing guilt for shouting at my coworkers” or “I cheated on a test.
Mentally opens the door to shame, anxiety, anger, and any other emotions that may arise. Writing down what you think will help. Sit with those thoughts and feelings and explore them with curiosity rather than judgment. Many situations are more complicated than they seem.
Picking out the knot of distress can help you get a better handle on what you’re going through. If you have a difficult time recognizing guilt, regular mindfulness meditation or guided journals can make a difference. These techniques will help you become more familiar with emotions, making it much easier to accept and deal with even the most difficult ones.
How do I Get Rid of Guilt and Shame?
1. Identify the root
Examine the source before you can effectively cope with shame, you must first understand where it comes from. it’s normal to feel guilty when you know you’ve done something wrong. But guilt can also arise as a result of events you didn’t have much or nothing to do with. Even if you only admit to them to yourself, admitting to them is vital. It’s also important to take note when you unnecessarily blame yourself for things you can’t control.
Guilt can also come from the belief that you have failed to fulfill goals you or others have set. Of course, this shame does not reflect the effort you’ve put in to tackle the obstacles that keep you from achieving those goals.
2. Apologize and make amends
A sincere apology helps to eliminate crime. An apology is an expression of remorse for the person who hurt you and a desire not to repeat the same mistake in the future. You may not be able to immediately accept an apology if it doesn’t always restore broken trust. However, a sincere apology can still help you heal because it allows you to express your feelings and take responsibility even after you’ve been hurt. Do you apologize effectively?
3.Learn from the past
Not every situation can be fixed, and some mistakes can lead to the loss of a valuable relationship or a good friend. Guilt coupled with sadness for someone or loss often seems inevitable. You have to accept it before you leave the past behind. Looking back and dwelling on the memories will not solve what happened. It’s impossible to rewrite events by repeating scenarios with different outcomes, but you can always take what you’ve learned into account.
What could be causing the error? Find the triggers that lead to your actions and the emotions that drive you to the brink. What would you like to do differently? What did your actions say about you? Do they indicate specific actions you can take?
Guilt can arise from blurred boundaries. For example, you may feel guilty if you try to communicate your needs to others, and you may feel guilty if you do not do what others ask of you. Setting healthy boundaries means being clear about expectations. It determines what behavior you accept from others and what behavior others can expect from you. Having these boundaries helps prevent feelings of guilt when interacting with others.
5.Learn to be grateful
It’s common to feel guilty about needing help when you’re dealing with challenges, emotional problems, or health issues. Remember people interact with others to create a community they can support.
Imagine the situation in reverse. If your loved one needs help and emotional support, you may want to meet them. Maybe you don’t want them to feel your struggles.
6.Replace negative self-talk with self-pity.
Mistakes don’t make you a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Guilt can lead to some pretty harsh self-criticism, but lecturing yourself about how miserable you are doesn’t make things better. Sure, you may face external consequences, but self-punishment can often have serious emotional consequences. Don’t be embarrassed and ask yourself what you would say to a friend in a similar situation. You might want to point out the good things they’ve done, remind them of their strengths, and tell them how much you appreciate them. Remember, guilt can work for you. Guilt can serve as a wake-up call to let you know that you’ve made a choice that goes against your personal values. Don’t let it beat you, try to make it work.
Self-forgiveness is an important part of self-compassion. When you forgive yourself, you admit that you made mistakes just like everyone else. Then you can look into the future without these mistakes defining you. You show yourself love and kindness by accepting your imperfections.
Self-forgiveness includes four major steps:
* Take responsibility for your actions
* Don’t let regret and remorse turn into shame.
* You promise to pay for any damage caused.
* Learn to accept yourself and believe that things will get better in the future.
Guilt and shame are beneficial feedback mechanisms. But if left unchecked, it can ruin our sense of self, relationships, and perspective. Working with a professional and doing reflecting on life events can help you understand the context of your emotions and process potentially unbeneficial thoughts it leads to shame and guilt.
ALSO, READ How to be Emotionally Strong (19 Ways)