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Signs You are Not Intellectually Compactible with your Partner

Signs You are Not Intellectually Compactible with your Partner

Love & Dating

Signs You are Not Intellectually Compactible with your Partner

Before you can know if you are intellectually compatible with your partner, you must first know what intellectual compatibility is all about.

What is Intellectual compatibility?

Intellectual Compatibility is the attraction between two people whose brain are on the same level.  People who are intellectually compatible often times, have similar upbringing. They have similar values, interests, philosophies, and pursuit.

Simply put they like to watch the same Tv channels, they read the same books, they like the same magazines, they like talking about the same topics e.t.c.

Also called intellectual chemistry, intellectual compatibility doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual. It can exist between friends, colleagues, e.t.c. This means having conversations that are intellectually stimulating and satisfying.

Just like sexual chemistry, intellectual chemistry can be a make or break of a relationship. Nobody wants a partner they can’t have intelligent conversations with, or just plainly seek their input in any issues that interests you. Here are some signs that will help you know that you are not intellectually compatible with your partner:

Signs You are Not Intellectually Compactible with your Partner

1.There is a feeling of superiority and inferiority (Teacher-student feeling):

If one partner feels superior intellectually, this could be an issue. The partner that feels intellectually superior, will always feel the need to teach the partner they see an inferior. If you feel like your partner always uses your mistake as an opportunity to tutor you, correct you always, interrupts your speech just to tell you that you are wrong,  it’s time to get your bearings and reflect on the dynamics of your relationship.

If you are always made to feel inferior in your relationship, you need to talk to your partner, as these could breed hatred for your partner, because nobody likes to be made to feel unimportant, or less especially in a relationship.

2.You are Constantly bored:

Boredom is a major sign that you are not intellectually compatible with your partner. When whatever your partner says or any conversational topic they bring up bores you, it’s a sign that you are not intellectually compatible. When you are bored with your partner, you tend to reach out to other people, who can connect with intellectually, and this doesn’t bode well for your relationship.

3.You feel like you are in a Competition:

Normally in a relationship, your partner is supposed to be your partner not your opponent. If you constantly feel like you are in a Competition with your partner, then it’s a sign that you both are not Intellectually compatible. You can not grow in a relationship where you feel like you are on opposing sides, instead of the same sides.

4.You can’t have meaningful conversation:

When your conversation with your partner cannot go beyond small talks, then you both are not intellectually compatible. It’s normal to be a bit uncomfortable raising sensitive topics in the beginning of a relationship. But going forward, you are supposed to be able to have deep conversations that will help you both grow, but if you feel like you can’t talk to your partner about stimulating and more meaningful things, you have a problem. You should address this quickly with your partner before it goes out of hands.

5.They make the conversation all about themselves:

This usually happens when people who are not intellectually compatible try to make their relationship work. When you bring up a topic that they can’t relate to or contribute meaningful to, they switch the topic and beginning talking of themselves.

An example of this kind of situation, is when you raise a work related issue and they can relate to it, they switch the topic and instead talk about their selves or issues concerning them that doesn’t relate to what you were saying and this can be really frustrating.

6.You lose your confidence around them:

If you begin to feel inferior, jealous, nervous, unlike yourself or lacking confident when your partner is around, then you are not intellectually compatible. This feeling arises because they can’t relate with what you have to say, so you don’t feel the need to say anything, or you force yourself to be into or agree with what they are saying when it really doesn’t interests you.

It could also be due to the fact that you don’t have the mental energy for their lecturers even when you better. You need to speak up before you loose your self completely.

7.Your relationship is more sexual:

Although it’s normal for a relationship to be purely based on the sexual aspect, it’s a major red flag when your partner uses sexual activities to divert your attention whenever you want to hold a meaning conversation with them. You are not intellectually compatible with your partner if they always want sex instead of having a conversation. Come up front and ask them to define the relationship, so you don’t be delusional.

8.Different taste in Music:

Although some couples can work if they have different tastes in music, but can connect intellectually on other stuffs. Music is something that can create emotional bond between couples , and most intellectually compatible couple have similar tastes in music. So if you like RnB, while your partner likes Rap or POP, it might be a sign that you are not intellectually compatible.

9.You have different future goals:

When you and your partner don’t share similar visions for the future, especially on core family values, like marriage, kids, and other long term goals, this is a clear indication that the both of you are not intellectually compatible. A typical example is when you envision your relationship leading to marriage and kids in the near future, while they don’t view it in that light. Most people don’t compromise on these goals and it could create major problems in your relationship.

10.You don’t resolve issues:

It’s normal for couples to argue or have issues, but their ability to amicably resolve the issues is what makes it healthy as it clears the air between them. But you are not intellectually compatible with your partner, you both tend to leave issues unresolved as you both don’t see the issue the same way, or your partner might think they are too superior to reason at your level.

11.You feel unloved:

When you can’t connect intellectually with your partner, your relationship will loose it’s spark, because no matter how good the sex is, you need to connect emotionally with your partner and this emotional connection can only form when you both are intellectually compatible. You will begin to feel unloved as it will seem as though your partner is only physically attracted to you.

12.You feel Undervalued:

When you are not intellectually compatible with your partner, you feel as if they don’t value you. This feeling is because they can’t relate to anything you are talking about. They don’t appreciate the efforts you put into the relationship, the are unapologetic when they offend you, with their lack of interest in your affairs. They don’t see you as important.

13.You both have different interest:

This is a very sure way to know that you are not intellectually compatible with your partner. People who are intellectually compatible usually have similar interests, so having different interests with your partner is a sign that you are not intellectually compatible.


1.How do you know if you are not intellectually compatible with your partner?

The major red flag that you are not intellectually compatible with your partner is the fact that you both don’t have anything in common. No similar interests, no similar values, nothing in at all in common.

2.What is Intellectual compatibility in a relationship?

Intellectual Compatibility is the bond between two people, due to their shared goals, interest, values, thoughts and visions.

3.How do you know if someone is intellectually compatible with you?

When you find yourself eager to have a conversation with them, you can’t wait to hear their point of view on a particular issue, it shows that your conversations are deep and satisfying. This shows you both are intellectually compatible.

4.How can I increase my Intellectual compatibility with my partner?

You can increase your Intellectual compatibility in the following ways:

Pick a story for discussion

Develop interest and try out each other’s hobbies

Do new things together

Create a list of topics that interests the both of you to discuss

Play games with your partner that stimulates you mentally

5.How can I be more intellectual with my partner?

You can be more intellectual about your relationship by doing the following:

Encourage and support each other

Do something fun regularly together

Make each other the priority in your lives

Talk to each other daily e.t.c


Wrapping up, although people who are intellectually compatible, easily connect and make their relationship work effortlessly. But if you really want to your relationship to work, you can foster intellectual compatibility, by becoming interested in the same things, and consciously put in effort to consume similar materials with your partner.

That said not being intellectually compatible with your partner can stifle and instantly kill a relationship, so don’t only check for physical chemistry, for also make sure that you are also intellectually compatible with your partner so you can connect on a deeper level.

ALSO, READ 10 Ways To Change a Person From Bad To Good


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