Secrets! They are meant to be confidential and something in private, not to be seen in the public eye. But what happens when these things get in between you and your special person. Some relationship suffer these days because one keeps things from the other thereby reducing the trust of the other to one in a relationship.
There are plenty of reasons your partner may be secretive, but in most relationships there are two prominent reasons why your partner may be secretive.
1:Fear Of losing you:
This is the most prominent reason your partner might be secretive. One tends to keep secrets from one’s partner if one thinks telling the other might lead to total separation.
He/She loves you and might not want to burden you or hurt you so he/she keeps to him/herself. This also has it disadvantages and might also lead to the separation one feared. Telling you that secret might stir up something in the relationship and one may not want that. One thing keeping it to himself is safer and better for you both
2:Fear Of being the weaker vessel:
Now this is mostly on the male’s part. Women are always seen as the weaker ones so showing forth as weak might hurt his pride. Every man has an ego and he holds on to it and works so much that it is not trampled on. A man likes to keep all the burdens to himself and not putting all the weight on the woman. If he loves you, this is what he’d do. But at the same time not healthy for him but to him he doesn’t have a choice but to keep it to himself.
Sometimes this happens from the female part, but it’s not from the fear of being the weaker vessel, but to lessen the burden of her partner. This is also not healthy for her but she thinks it’s best that she keeps it to herself.
You are probably reading this right now, either has the secretive one or as the one left in the dark. What do you do if you find out you have a secretive partner
HOW TO DEAL WITH A SECRETIVE PARTNER
1: Be Patient:
Patience is key while dealing with a secretive partner. This person is in love you as so are you, but when it comes to getting information out of that secretive partner of yours you have to take it one step at a time. Don’t jump into conclusions just yet, don’t start a fight at your slightest suspicion, just take every step one at a time. That way you’d be able to reach out with little to no effort at all.
2: Be Reassuring:
In a relationship, with or without a secretive partner , reassurance is very important. Telling that person how much you love him and how much you want to be with him and how much you are willing to do for that person. It rekindles the love and most times a sense of relief to that person that even though he later spills the secret, intentionally or unintentionally, you’d still be right there with him or her. Using words like “I know it might be hard but we would get through it together “ “You are not in this alone, you have your favorite sidekick “ “I love you and I’m not going anywhere “ “Let’s work it out together “ These words are not just mere words but love darts that could pierce your partner’s heart in a really good way. With this kind of words he’d be no more secretive in no time.
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3: Be Supportive:
Support your partner in decisions that they make, trust them and even though you might not understand why they are asking for such things trust them to work it out. At the same time if it seems too ridiculous please don’t do and go through the reassurance route and maybe a little heart to heart talk. They may not spill everything but at the end you’ll always have something to work with. Don’t expect too much and at the same time don’t expect less and be ready for anything.
4: Be Forgiving:
Whatever that secret might be might end up hurting you, but then remember you wanted to hear it. It would hurt but it’ll will fade, all you have to do is let love lead. It might be too much too bear but remember you are not carrying the burden alone. So please forgive your partner For both your sakes.
These listed above are the best things you can do to deal with a secretive partner. But if you are a secretive partner yourself and you are at the verge of losing your relationship, here are things you can do to get your relationship back.
1. Come out with it:
Now you might possibly be thinking “is this writer crazy, if I spill I’d lose him/her” or “it’ll be too much for her to bear” Look, reading carefully, one thing about keeping secrets is that it weakens you and you still end up spilling because if it doesn’t work in your last relationship I’m pretty sure you’d want your next relationship to work. Else, it’ll just be an endless cycle of heartbreaks that you caused with your own hands. Coming out with it would not kill the relationship but rather save it. If that partner of yours loves you, that person would do everything to be with you, and everything to fix whatever might have gone wrong. That’s what true love does.
2. Be willing to change:
Dude you just got out of one don’t go into another. Don’t stir up another drama, after coming out with it, try to be more outspoken, try to be more reassuring, try to make sure you don’t keep any more secrets. Whatever it may be, be at rest, for you’d always have your ride or die right there, beside you and at all times.
Dealing with a secretive partner doesn’t require a lot of things, but at the same time requires a lot of time and patience. To make your relationship work, you must take the points listed above into high consideration and if you are the secretive one, Do yourself a favor and come out with it. And lastly, Don’t Forget To Let Love Lead.