Mothers-in-law are usually torn on their children’s flesh. They are fond of interfering, being possessive, and being authoritative. She might not care about how it affects you, as long as they get what they want.
Some mothers-in-law manipulate you in different ways all in the name they want to be sure you’re good enough for their child. But in a real sense, they manipulate you just to frustrate you especially if she doesn’t like you.
If you aren’t sure your mother-in-law is using you here are 20 potential signs that your mother-in-law may be manipulating you:
Signs Your Mother-in-Law Is Using You (manipulative signs)
1. She frequently undermines your decisions or makes you second-guess yourself.
She will always make you feel you are not useful, your decision doesn’t count for her. She does not value you or whatever you do, even if you try to please her she won’t acknowledge your efforts. At times you begin to ask yourself if you are not doing things correctly.
2. She tries to create distance or tension between you and your spouse.
Ah hah! This is a common attitude most mother in-law’s possess. A mother-in-law could manipulate you against your spouse or the other way around. She will create tension between you both, just to cause enmity and trouble. Some are really difficult to please.
3. She frequently compares you unfavorably to other people.
As part of her treacherous attitude, she will compare you with other people not minding the effect on you. For instance, she might tell you her friend’s in-laws treat her better than you do. She might compare your career or lifestyle with theirs just to humiliate you and make you feel awkward.
4. She uses guilt or emotional appeals to get what she wants.
Let’s say you made a Little mistake she would use it against you to get what she wants from you. If she knows you are vulnerable your emotions will be used to her advantage. Another way could be by trying to make up stories, so if you don’t cooperate with her she will manipulate you with it.
5. She frequently makes demands or gives ultimatums.
This one is like a must even if she doesn’t exhibit others, she will make outrageous demands and give ultimatums, even when she knows you can’t meet up. Most times they use your weak points against you.
6. She tries to control her time or schedule.
If you have plans for yourself or you already have scheduled for a specific period, instead of fixing her’s for another time she would move it to your time. She tries to control your time and movement. She dictate when and how you go about your daily affairs.
7.She tries to control your relationship with your spouse or family.
It’s possible for them to control your relationship with your spouse and family, even at your alone time they want to intrude. She will instruct you on how to treat your spouse, what to buy for them, how to run your home and handle your marriage.
8.She belittles or undermines your feelings or opinions.
Your opinions is never accepted, even if what you suggest sounds helpful she won’t buy it from you. Her aim is to belittle or reduce you to nothing just to make you feel bad. Your feelings doesn’t get to her.
9.She tries to turn your spouse against you.
Another clear sign she is using you is her actions towards your spouse. For example she might try to convince your spouse you aren’t the right person for them. She would make your spouse see the negative aspect of you. She keeps painting you black before your spouse.
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10.She frequently makes you feel like you are wrong or that you owe her something.
When something happens she constantly makes you feel you are wrong or you owe her something. It becomes an habit for her to use what she has done for you against you. At every given opportunity she would remind you of how she came to your rescue and why you owe her alot.
11.She tries to make you feel guilty for not complying with her wishes.
A manipulative mother in-law will always make you feel guilty so you will comply to her wishes. She does this to get you do her biddings. Little mistakes is a tool to manipulate you against your will.
12.She ignores your boundaries and doesn’t respects your privacy.
For a mother in-law who is manipulative boundaries or privacy is not in her league. She cares less of your privacy or observe your boundaries. If you want to keep things to yourself that pertains your life or career, she won’t see the need to let you be. She invades your privacy without your consent.
13.She tries to blame you for problems or conflicts.
When there are issues between you two or in your family, you will be blamed for it. Every problem in your home is caused by you, whether it’s your fault or not. If you have conflicts with her or your spouse she would accuse you for initiating it.
14.She tries to manipulate situations to her advantage.
Any occurrence or situation around her is an instrument to achieve her evil plans. She could manipulate something that took place sometime ago to her advantage. Maybe you mistakenly destroyed one of her belongings, she would use it to torment you and probably get something from you.
15.She tries to make you feel indebted to her.
Have you ever felt like your mother in-law wants you to be indebted to her or pay her back for something she did for you? This is a sure sign she’s using you.
16.She tries to control how you spend your money or resource.
She suddenly begins to act as your financial advice. When you want to get something she wants to know what exactly it is and why you need it. She controls your resources like a mother who orders kids around. She practically dictates how you spend your money.
17.She tries to manipulate your relationship with your children.
Your children might be used against you. If you try to scold them or be close to them she would frown at you.
18.She tries to control your social life or who you spend time with.
With your mother in-law around your social life will be very difficult. She can even scare your friends away or cajole you to stop socializing.
19.She tries to control your personal decisions or choices.
Our decisions and choices are basic things we should be responsible and accountable for, but a manipulative mother in-law will want to control every of your decision and choices. Simply because she wants to get in your way.
Every relationship is different, and it’s possible that your mother-in-law may exhibit some of these behaviors without intending to manipulate or use you. However, if you feel like you are being manipulated or your relationship with your mother-in-law is causing you stress or anxiety, it may be helpful to discuss your concerns with your spouse or a trusted family member or friend.
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